I'm going to write my thoughts here, cause I can't write them anywhere else, and I feel like I'm in a weird mood and so I need to write my thoughts and ramble.
I saw Inception today.. It was really good. I half watched it one other time, but I missed SO much of the beginning, which I found out today sets up like the whole movie... But this time around, I watched it all from start to finish, and it was amazing... I've always been really interested in dreams, and the concepts they express throughout the movie seem very cool to me... Since I half watched it a few days ago, I decided to pay more attention to when I was dreaming and to try to be more in control, and I had some pretty sickass dreams. I hope I can dream tonight and it will be even cooler since I got to better understand a lot of the concepts today and stuff.
I burned myself with a lighter a few times.. I did it all in the same spot so it would hurt more and leave one big mark instead of a bunch of little ones. To me, a bunch of little ones seems worse than one big one, and besides that way if you can see how many time you did it you start to realize you have a problem and rethink it and stop doing it. Like how an alcoholic stops counting drinks.
Anyway, I think it's interesting that as I kept burning myself, the parts of my skin that got really hot were indented and now that I've stopped for a while they're raised out and puffy and hurt like a bitch.
I don't know why I push people away. I do it to everyone I start to care about.. I have some sort of trust issues I need to work on...
Yesterday I hung out with Morgan and we went on Chat Roulette. We saw a video of a dead man hanging from a noose. He killed himself and put it on the internet for the world to see. His body was still swinging a little, in motion.. I can't get the image out of my brain. I couldn't sleep at all last night, all I could think of was the dead man swinging from the rope, and I keep seeing him now, too... That was the first dead body I've ever seen and it's going to haunt me for life.
Now I can't eat because I keep thinking about him swinging there, and it ruins my appetite.
I wanted more than anything to just lay in the grass and let the rain fall on me tonight. It was a perfect night.. It was warm, and there was no lightening. I was in the mood for it, but I never ended up going. Maybe one day, I could.
Thursday night I was working and Matt asked me to go outside for a little bit. I saw the fireworks but I tried to ignore them because I was on the clock. Then I looked up and saw a big silvery white plume of firework light up the sky, and in the direct center of the plume was the moon. It was one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen... I can replay that image in my head over and over again, too, and that's an image I much prefer.
I guess I'm a pretty visual person, in that I can see things like photographs or videos in my mind. I wonder if normal people can do that, or if I'm just weird. But sometimes my images are so vivid it feels as if I'm reliving it, not just merely recreating it. I think it's the attention to details and being able to reproduce even the minute detail that makes my memories the most amazing, but it is also that very fact that often leads to my downfall.
The other night I was driving home from Morgan's at 3am, and the sky looked an orangish red. It looked like it was on fire, not like a sunset at all, but like lava. I liked it a lot.
Broccoli is very good. But this broccoli tastes like chemicals. Maybe I should get the organic broccoli from now on... Skid's treat.
You really can't use "Skid" and "treat" in the same sentence.
I can make pretty good lomein. My fried rice isn't bad, either. And I bet I cook it with a million less calories than the average chinese person. And maybe mine even tastes better. I've had some pretty flavorless chinese food in my day, and it just doesn't cut it, sister.
My orientation for UAlbany is supposed to be Wednesday.. We'll see how that goes, I think I still owe them money and can't go until I pay. And it's my last chance at one, so let's hope that all works out..
Everyone acts like I made "such a huge mistake in going to Hartwick" (which I did) and that I should have gone to Albany "in the first place." What they fail to mention is that I was told "UAlbany is the school your sister chose, you two need to branch out from eachother, you can't just stay rooted together forever.." which was their mistake. No one would have let me go to Albany if I tried, especially not my Grandma Dewey. But my family is full of saints, and don't you forget it.. They can do no wrong, so it is entirely my fault.. Whereas I prefer to acknowledge the fact that we all fucked up.
I never had such weird tasting broccoli in my life.
I think it's lame when people say they don't want to hang out with you cause it's "too late" and they want to go "straight to sleep..." Then they stay on facebook until three in the morning.
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