You're the poet in my heart..

All I ever wanted
Was to know that you were dreaming
There's a heartbeat
And it never really died

Today was an alright day, I guess.. I've been kind of miserable lately, and today just kind of brought me back to life a little. I spent the day with my mom, we dropped my car off with one of her friends, to get it inspected, then we came back to Skid's house and she asked me to check the mail.. When I did, I saw there was a letter from Albany, and it was one of those thick ones, so I knew I got accepted.. I opened it, and all I saw was "Congratulations!" and it made me feel a lot better about myself, and that my life is a lot more stable, now that I actually have somewhat of a plan for the future. Then we went to Bruce's Campgrounds to see Peg; she had recently moved back, and I hadn't seen her in two years.. It was nice spending time there, and the atmosphere is really cool.. When we first drove in, it didn't seem like that big of a deal, but the further back we went, you could see a bunch of trailers all grouped together, and they all had sitting areas, and like their own little community.. It reminded me of all the movies from the 60's and 70's, where hippies had a ton of communities where they just kind of secluded themselves from society, listened to music all day, smoked some weed, and drank some beer.. Just lived their lives, away from it all.. It always seemed like an appealing way to live to me, and I've always dreamed of kind of running away like that, though I would much rather prefer a community full of people around my age, rather than their 40's and 50's. I think it would be a lot of fun, and just seems like you would feel so free, living how you want, and never having to answer to anyone but yourself.. I think that if I lived in a place like that, I might start wearing kind of hippie styled clothing, and I would get a beautiful acoustic guitar, learn how to play, and just sit and write songs all day.. It seems like you would run out of things, not being able to see much, or do much.. But to me, that's when I'm most creative.. When I'm kind of secluded from the outside world, and can't thrive off of other people's ideas, and I'm kind of forced to create my own.. And, if you're writing about all the same things all the time, you eventually know how to find better ways to say what it is you're thinking of.. Like, how to be more metaphorical, and abstract, rather than literal and structured. I always just wish I could end the college shit, and run away like that, but I always knew if I did that, I wouldn't get anywhere in life.. Let's face it, I have no talent, and happiness really isn't everything.

And, I feel very cynical saying that because, I've always been the one to preach that happiness really is everything.. But, I guess the older you get, the more shit you go through, the more you start to realize happiness is just a lie.. It's just an illusion. Nothing is real, and feelings are feelings.. That's all happiness is, a delusional feeling that has no depth. It can come and go at any time, like any other feelings, but it's the one feeling that hurts the most, in the end...